I have been in your place
in those cold mental stirrups
and pink paper gown
staring at black and white shapes shifting
on the screen, searching for a follicle –
A small hope of what might be.
I have heard the advice
Eat this; take that.
Try this, not that.
Just relax; just adopt.
Maybe it’s not meant to be.
From those who mean well but cut deeper.
I will be your shoulder to cry on
When your body says it’s impossible,
but your heart says, “It is everything.”
When your numbers come back too high or too low
and you feel like a pin cushion.
Because you are tired, just so tired.
I will pray for you
As the bills pile up, and insurance won’t pay.
When you throw away another test
that you just knew would be your
blue line, plus sign, or happy face.
And hope that one day you will find your peace.
I will always remember
The shots, the maybes, and the disappointments
Even though they are faded by morning sickness,
swollen feet, labor pains, and
a whole new kind of tired
Because they brought my miracle to me.